英語搞笑笑話

時間：2020-10-19 18:19:33 英語笑話我要投稿

英語搞笑笑話十篇

　　多閱讀一些有趣的英語笑話，能激起我們閱讀英語的興趣，從而提高英語的閱讀能力，今天小編在這里為大家分享英語搞笑笑話10篇，歡迎大家閱讀!

英語搞笑笑話十篇

　　英語搞笑笑話篇一

　　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”

　　有一天，人們看見一個有名的心不在焉的老師在路上走，他的一只腳一直踏在街溝里，另一只腳踩在人行道上。一個碰見他的學生說： “晚安，老師。您怎么了?” “啊，”這位老師回答說：“我想我離開家的時候還挺好的，可是現在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已經一瘸一拐走了半個小時了。”

　　英語搞笑笑話篇二

　　It's His FaultBilly and Bobby were small boys.They were brothers，and they often had fights with each other. Last Saturday their mother said to them，“I'm going to cook our lunch now.Go out and play in the garden—and be good.” “Yes，Mummy，” the two boys answered，and they went out. They played in the garden for half an hour，and then Billy ran into the kitchen.“Mummy，” he said，“Bobby's broken a window in Mrs.Allen's house.” Mrs.Allen was one of their neighbors. “He's a bad boy，”his mother said.“How did he break it?” “I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered，“and he quickly moved down.”

　　比利和波比都是小男孩。他們是兄弟，兩人經常打架。上個星期六，他們的媽媽對他們說：“我現在要做午飯了。去，到花園去玩吧，別淘氣。” “是，媽媽，”兩個男孩回答，然后他們就出去了。他們在花園里玩了半個小時，然后比利跑進了廚房。“媽媽，”他說：“波比打碎了艾倫太太家的窗玻璃。”艾倫太太是他們的鄰居。 “他是個壞孩子，”他的媽媽說。“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的?” “我朝他扔了一塊石子，”比利回答：“他趕緊蹲下。”

　　英語搞笑笑話篇三

　　Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(閣樓) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

　　Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(鐘樓) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.

　　The third said, I baptized(洗禮) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!

　　三個南部的牧師在一家小餐館里吃午飯。其中的一個說道：“你們知道嗎，自從夏天來臨，我的教堂的閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧、貓----似乎什么都不能把它們趕走。”

　　另外一位說：“是啊，我也是。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經請人把整個地方用煙熏消毒一遍，它們還是趕不走。”

　　第三個牧師說：“我為我那里的所有蝙蝠洗禮，讓它們成為教會的一員......從此一只也沒有再回來過。”

　　英語搞笑笑話篇四

　　The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."

　　"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.

　　" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"

　　四位牧師的母親聚到一起談論她們的兒子。“我的兒子是個教士，”第一位母親自豪地說道，“他進入房間，人們都說，‘您好，閣下’。”

　　第二為母親說：“我的兒子是位主教。他進入房間，人們都稱，‘您好，大人’。” “我的兒子是位紅衣主教，”第三位母親接著說，“他走進房間，人們都說，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”

　　第四位母親略思片刻。“我的兒子身高六英尺十，體重三百磅，”她說，“他要是走入房間，人們都說‘哦，我的上帝’!”

　　英語搞笑笑話篇五

　　Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and withbecoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:

　　″I have known many an instance(實例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″

　　一個星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的幾封信。他打開其中一封,發現信中只寫著“傻瓜”兩個字。

　　他平靜而認真地把這件事告訴教友們：“寫信時忘了簽名的人,我遇到過很多,但只簽了名卻忘了寫信的人,我還是頭一次遇到。”

　　英語搞笑笑話篇六

　　The ability of the Kangaroo

　　The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll build the fence?" "I don't know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.

　　袋鼠的能力

　　動物園為剛引進的袋鼠建了一個特殊的八英尺高的圍墻。但是第二天早上，人們發現這動物在圍墻外面蹦跳著。于是圍墻高度增加到十五英尺，但袋鼠還是跑了出來。動物園經理甚感惱火，又叫人把圍墻高度加到三十英尺，但袋鼠還是逃了出來。一個長頸鹿問袋鼠：“你認為他們會把圍墻建到多高?” “我不知道，”袋鼠說，“如果他們繼續開著大門，可能要修到一千英尺吧。”

　　英語搞笑笑話篇七

　　The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced, a hitch(故障) arose over the fee, and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was completed, the patron(贊助人，主顧) was asked to come and inspect it. As a matter of fact, the picture was just one daub(涂抹，涂料) of brilliant red.What's this? exclaimed the purchaser. I asked for the Red Sea, on the occasion of the celebrated passage.That's it, replied Hogarth.But, where are the Israelites?They are all gone over.Where are the Egyptians?They're all drowned.

　　一天，有人請這位偉大的.畫家畫一幅法老王渡紅海圖。這幅畫剛開始不久，酬金就出現了問題。霍迪斯發現，完成這幅畫后，他只能得到他想要的大約一半的錢。當作品完成之后，那位主顧被請來看畫。其實，這幅畫不過是胡亂涂抹的一片鮮紅。這是什么?那位買主喊了起來。我要的是紅海，是那次著名的航海。這就是，霍迦斯回答說。可是以色列人在哪兒?他們都已經渡過去了。埃及人在哪兒?他們全都淹死了。

　　英語搞笑笑話篇八

　　瞎子的判斷

　　Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, hestepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.

　　從前有個瞎子。一天，他正在行路時踩著了一只正在睡覺的狗的腦袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一陣。這人又往前走，這回踩著的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起來。瞎子以為還是那條狗，驚詫地說：奇怪，這只狗可真夠長的。

　　英語搞笑笑話篇九

　　always thirsty 總感到口渴

　　"i had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."一個男人對他的朋友說：“我動了一次手術，手術后醫生把一塊海綿忘在我的身體里了。”

　　"that's terrible!" said the friend. "got any pain?"

　　“真是太糟糕了!”朋友說道：“你覺得疼嗎?”

　　"no, but i am always thirsty!"

　　“不疼，可是我總感到口渴!”

　　英語搞笑笑話篇十

　　拳擊和賽跑

　　Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box." Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."

　　丹在教他的兒子怎樣拳擊。他告訴他的朋友：“這是一個粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的兒子怎么去拼搏。”朋友：“如果他碰上的對手是一個比他高大，健壯而且也會拳擊的人怎么辦?”丹：“我也會教他怎么樣賽跑呢。”